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Short People Got Every Reason to Live
Published in The West Virginia Scholars Anthology 1986-1987.
by Roxanna Glass  

Short people of America unite! If we all do, we might collectively be as tall as two TALL people.

There are actually quite a few good things about being short. For example, short people don't have to bend over to get through low doors or low ceilings. In the cave where the taller people were getting back cramps, I could walk normally, only occasionally bending my head.

Short people can find better and more places to hide when playing "Hide and Seek" or "Capture the Flag." Some of us can even fit into washing machines or dryers.

We, as short people, have many advantages in sports. With a smaller strike zone, it is harder to strike us out. Because we are short, it is difficult to tackle us, and we can run between the players' legs in basketball. Besides that, in basketball, most of the players tend to ignore short people, and then forget that we even exist, so while they are so stuck on themselves, we can run up to the basket and wait for an easy lay-up.

When making people pyramids, short people get to be on the top where we belong. This is good, so we won't get squashed, but can be bad if one is scared of heights.

When short people fall down, it doesn't hurt us as much as it would a tall person because we don't have as far to fall. We also don't have to worry about our heads running into an electric wire when we walk down the street, or getting caught in a cloud.

Washing hair in the shower is easy, and we can totally stretch ourselves out in the bathtub. We can also stretch our legs in small places such as auditoriums and in the back seat of a car.

Covers fit us, and our feet don't hang over the edge of the bed. Huddling yourself to keep warm is easier because there is less to huddle. Some of us are even accused of being cuddly just because of our height!

Short people don't have to worry about not finding dresses that are long enough (though we may have to hem them two feet!), and when the styles get longer, we get the taller people's hand-me-downs.

We also don't have to worry about fitting under someone else's umbrella. Walks in the woods are easier because we don't have to move as many branches out of the way. We also don't have to see the dirt on top of the refrigerator and kitchen cabinets.

Short people that have energy have great amounts of it, probably to make up for their physical deprivation. They are better skaters and skiiers because they have a lower center of gravity. They are better gymnasts (just look at Mary Lou!) and dancers, and overall they stay in pretty good shape because they have to walk faster and take bigger steps to keep up with the rest of society.

Some BIG advantages of being short are that we short girls never have to worry about finding a guy taller than we are. We can get into movies and other places on the "under 12" rate. And most importantly, we can sleep in class because the teachers could never see our heads anyway.

Shortness can also be a scape goat. It is an easy excuse for things like sports, and it is a special tool to get attention. Most people don't expect as much out of short people, so when we do anything spectacular, it is really noticed.

All in all, short people are special people, even if they do have to hug someone at the belly button.

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